What to DO Number 1..Not your Mothers Wedding

What to DO…Number 1…Not Your Mother’s Wedding

To end this five part series, I’ve come to the number one most important thing to DO for your wedding.  Make it your own.  So many times we get caught up in everyone else’s opinion of what we should do, how we should plan, what we should wear that we end up doing, planning or wearing something we didn’t want at all.

If your parents are paying for your wedding, by all means, they should be allowed to invite guests they want to. However, it doesn’t mean they get to make all the decisions.  “He who pays chooses” doesn’t work for me.  As I see it, you’re given a GIFT, and a GIFT is given with the knowledge that the recipient may do with it what they please.  Its your wedding and should be about you and your fiance.  Infusing who you are as a couple is imperative.  If you don’t want your reception at the local bar, then SAY SO. Don’t be bullied or guilted into having what someone else thinks you should have.  If your mother wants you to wear a full ball gown and you want a fitted mermaid gown, then SAY SO (and when you shop for your gown, take one or two people, not twenty-too many opinions muddy the water).

So many times couples are afraid of stepping on toes and hurting feelings that they end up with less than what they hoped for.  Now I’m not saying to go full on Bridezilla – I’m just saying stand up for yourself, say what you want, thank others for their opinions and do what makes you happy. You’ll be sorry if you don’t.  And everyone, including your Mother, wants you to be happy, sometimes they just need to be told what you want!

I want to offer a few pieces of advice for you

• Make sure that you are planning for a marriage and NOT a wedding.  The whole reason you are having this party is to celebrate that you have found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with (YES- THE REST OF  YOUR LIFE).
• However you start out your marriage is how it’s going to be forever, make sure you’re honest and working together to make it the kind of marriage you’ll be proud of.
• NEVER EVER complain to someone about your spouse to anyone that doesn’t love them as much as you do! Those people won’t be as easy to forgive as you are.

I hope you’ve enjoyed the series – I’m looking forward to questions and comments and tons more blogposts!

What to DO….. Number 2..Be Prepared

Even if you think you’ve thought of everything, you haven’t.  There are so many things you don’t know that you don’t know (sounds weird but you know what I mean). Today I’m sharing just a few of the thing you may not realize or remember for your wedding. If you have anything to add let me know!

 What? I need cash to tip my limo driver, planner, DJ, Wait staff? Nobody told me that.  

 Be prepared with labeled envelopes of money for gratuity.

 What? I forgot my garter to toss, hairspray and double stick tape?

Be prepared with an emergency kit stocked with all the things you just might need.  All good planners carry one with them at all times (mine is in a three tier tool box).

What do you mean the cake’s not here and the DJ is lost?

Be prepared with a list of all vendors contact names and phone numbers for the day.  Make sure you email confirmations with address and times for each vendor(#1 reason to hire at least a Day of Coordinator- just sayin).

Rain? Seriously, its raining on my wedding day?

 Be prepared with umbrellas and a PLAN B – there must always be a PLAN B.

Why are you asking me about when to serve the cake? 

Be prepared to appoint someone the point of contact for the day (not your mother, maid of honor or bridesmaid either).  This way you won’t have to be bothered with these things throughout the celebration.

You mean the wedding is over? So quick? I spent a year planning it!!

Be prepared for post wedding blues.  Now the planning is over, you’ve returned from your honeymoon, and you don’t know what to do with yourself.  It’s only natural that you’ll miss the vendor meetings, meetings with your planner (who is by now, probably your friend) and daydreaming about  your perfect gown.  What to do next? No, not children (even if your mother in law is insisting- mine was asking me the day after we got married!) Look at your photographs and just imagine every moment, every detail and every emotion you felt.  Memories last forever, you can relive your wedding anytime you want to. Always always remember, you got what you wanted, you’re married to the perfect partner.

What? I’m stuck with their family forever? 

 Another post for another day…….

 Tomorrow…..NUMBER 1 “NOT YOUR MOTHER’S WEDDING” Oh yea, I went there.

What to DO Number 3…Be Realistic

What to DO Number 3…..Be Realistic

Ok, we’ve gone over vendor value and honesty…that brings me to Reality! Being realistic is SO important. You say your dream wedding centerpiece is a five foot high arrangement exploding with imported tulips, calla lilly, peonies and roses all designed by Preston Bailey himself (he’s the Lord of all things beautiful).  But, in REALITY, the only arrangements you’re going to see by Preston Bailey are in his book or on TV (unless you’ve been less than honest about your budget and we’ve been over that already).

What I’m getting at is you can’t expect have every thing you’ve ever seen, heard of or read about for your wedding. Now I like wedding shows just as much as the next guy.  I mean who doesn’t love watching Diann Valentine and David Tutera make a seemingly small budget look like a GAGILLION $$$? If your’e not lucky enough to be a guest on “I Do Over” or “My Fair Wedding” then you have to be a guest on “I’m Gonna Be Realistic…” Use these outlets as inspiration. You can, however, have your own VERSION of those things you’ve seen (as long as there’s cohesion in the design).

I encourage my couples to bring me pictures of what their dream wedding would look like if money were no object. The sky’s the limit.  They’ll bring pictures from internet sites, high end magazines, blogs, books, etc. to use as inspiration during our design session.  We go over and over the pictures and decide which elements are the most important in achieving the look they want for their ceremony and reception.  All the while being REALISTIC.  Those five foot centerpieces a MUST? Use Hydrangea instead of peonies and go monochromatic instead of using different colors, this looks high end while keeping your design and budget in tact. GOTTA have couture linens from I Do Linens? Use one of her specialty linens on the cake table for a WOW factor.  I promise you wont be disappointed.

Some couples think they can have a full seated dinner for 150 with Prime Rib, a string quartet, six tier wedding cake, and leave in a horse drawn carriage and a cooler full of Champagne. All for $10,000 – Not. Gonna. Happen (and if it did, the prime rib may be hamburger, the horse a donkey, and that champagne, Boones Farm).  However, if you’re realistic about things, and you use the right designer, you can have your version of your dream wedding while keeping your budget in tact (this is where having a professional helps out the most).

In addition to your design and decor, be realistic about your guests.  When you first become engaged you are super excited and want to invite everyone (sort of like going to the grocery store when you’re hungry). The more you invite, the more you spend.  A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself “do I really want to spend $125 or $150 for this person to come to my party?”  Another piece of advice I share with all my couples is to be prepared for everyone to say YES! If you invite 400 people, you should have a budget that accommodates 400 people.  This is reality.

Here are two photos for you – the first is one my bride brought me as inspiration…

The second is what we came up with for her 200 guest wedding. What do you think?

You CAN have it all….your version…if you are REALISTIC.

“What to DO Number 4…..Be Honest”

Next on our list is Number 4 Be Honest….

Remember when your Mother told you that “Honesty is the best policy”? Yea, she was right (big surprise huh?).  When I’m working with a new couple designing their dream wedding I tell them right up front that they must BE HONEST with me because I’m going to be honest with you (if you’ve got lipstick on your teeth or your zipper is down, I’ll let you know).  The first thing you need to be honest about, and the most important by far, is your budget.  No matter if you have $5000 or $50,000 you need to be honest about how much you are willing to spend on your wedding.  Being up front with yourself and your vendors is essential to successful planning.

I’ve found that sometimes a couple will “test” me to see if I can plan their wedding on less than what they wanted to spend.  Well, they don’t need to test, I can plan a wedding on any amount you give me, as long as your’e honest.  If you aren’t up front with your vendors on what you’d like to budget then you may miss out on something you really wanted.  If you tell me you only want to spend $500 on a cake, I’m going to supply you with bakers who will work within that budget – but – if you really have $800 to budget on a cake that may open up an entirely new set of vendors for you.  You see what I’m getting at here? You must also be honest with yourselves.  If you can’t afford to spend a lot, DON’T. Don’t max out your credit cards or 401K, be honest as a couple on what you can afford. If your parents give you money for your wedding, take it graciously and use it wisely.  Remember, its a gift.

Honesty isn’t  just for your vendors, that goes for you, your fiance, your family (and THAT is another post in itself this week)or anyone else involved in your wedding.  If you don’t like the same things your fiance likes for the wedding TELL THEM! If your fiance wants a trampoline at the reception and you think its a super crazy idea let them know – compromise and work it out. Make a list of what’s important to each of you to have or experience at your wedding. Merge the two and you’ll have a list of priorities to give your planner/designer and other vendors. This is the honest approach to planning.

One piece of advice from someone (me) who has been married a loooong time (23 years-same man), however you start out this marriage is how it’s going to be forever. If you start out being less than honest so as not to hurt feelings, you’re going to be doing it for the duration of your marriage.  Now I’m not saying to tell your husband or wife their “butt looks big in those pants” (eeks!), but I am saying to tell them that the other pair looks better. Catch my drift?  It’s all in HOW you say things.

Tomorrow……Be Realistic 

“What to DO When Planning Your Wedding…That nobody tells you!”

To start 2012 off we’re blogging a Five part series on “What to DO When planning your Wedding…that nobody tells you”.  Instead of telling you what not to do, we’re going to tell you the things you should do.  These are things that that we think are super important for you but aren’t on the usual lists.

So we’re off ……..Number 5

Realizing the VALUE of your vendors.

So you’ve hired a Caterer, Photographer, Wedding Designer, etc.  Are you getting the most value for your money? Did you get cousin Trudy’s boyfriends ex wife to design your bouquet because she has a nice flower garden? Did you hire the least expensive vendor you could find? Did you ask questions?

One thing a lot of couples do (especially those on a tight budget and let’s face it, who isn’t?) is book their vendors based solely on price…this is DANGEROUS! Remember the old saying “you get what you pay for” ?  Of course you should shop around, but when you find a vendor that you click with (remember you’re going to be working with this person or company for many months),  ask a lot of questions, don’t be shy.  Reputable vendors respect and expect questions.  Knowing their “value” and what they’ll bring to your wedding will help you in your decision making.

It’s easy to get caught up in “price shopping” (we all love a great bargain).  Something important to remember is that you’re paying for more than their product or service, you’re paying for their intellectual property (I love saying that-It makes me feel super smart), their expertise, and their reputation.  There are TONS and TONS of things these experienced vendors know that you don’t.

Part of realizing the value of your vendor is knowing they’re worth the money you’re  paying them. Negotiating a lower price is normal, however, asking for a HUGE discount isn’t.  For example, if you hire a photographer that takes great photographs for $2000, instead of asking for a $500 discount (which will probably not happen), ask if they can include any additional photos for your parents, or an engagement session, or a picture of Great Aunt Martha or something.  It never hurts to ask and most vendors would be more willing to add services rather than discounting prices.  Negotiating IS a part of business, however, it can also be very insulting (side-note – if a vendor is so easy to discount their pricing, do they themselves really believe they are worth what they charge in the first place?).

Be sure not to cross the line. After all, do you negotiate with the grocer? or the auto mechanic? If you truly feel that the vendor you’re meeting with charges too much for their work, then ask what they can do for you that other vendors can’t? Above all,

****ALWAYS MAKE SURE YOU ARE COMPARING APPLES TO APPLES****

One last thing is to remember to be respectful of each vendors TIME. For most vendors this isn’t their first time at the rodeo, and you’re not their only client or potential client. If you want to book a complimentary consultation with a vendor remember that they aren’t going to spill all their secrets or give you a free tasting of their product, or a free free free anything, nor should they (do you give people free “samples” at your office? If you do I’m going to find a car salesman right away).  A consultation is so that you can get to know the person and their company and what they can offer you.  There are a ton of “newbies” (especially in event planning-but thats a post for another day!!) in the wedding industry.  Think about who you’re hiring and what their true “Value” is.  Ask these questions when making your decision:

• Will this vendor give me X,Y,Z at a fair price?
• Do I like this Vendors product/service?
• Does this Vendor have a personality that compliments mine?
• Is this business one that I would like to be associated with?
• How will hiring this vendor make my wedding BETTER than I could make it myself?
• Will hiring this vendor save me TIME – STRESS – SANITY- MONEY? (this is really the most important question of all)

All in all, knowing the value of your vendor is up to you! Do your research and make decisions based upon more than just price.

Look for tomorrows post …..To Do Number 4….. ”Be Honest”

 

 

DIY Canvas Painting Tutorial

Today I’ve put together this tutorial for a DIY Canvas Painting – this one was for a Sweet 16 party but you could design one for just about any event – Including weddings.  I imagine a beautiful painting above your Candy Station, your buffet table or Butler Cards.  You can make one for any spot your heart desires!

Step ONE – Purchase a canvas and paint colors, as well as paintbrushes  (your choice of size – and make sure you check out the coupons from Hobby Lobby and Michael’s you can save lots of money!)   I was going for the Paris theme so I chose white,  ballet slipper pink and black.

Step TWO – Experiment with what color you would like to use for your base color, I chose the darker pink in the photo above.  Remember there are no mistakes, this is unique to you!  Squeeze some paint onto the paper plate (although it’s really not paper its foam). I mis a few drops of water with the paint in order to thin it out a bit.  Simply brush the paint from side to side in whatever direction you like – I painted at an angle so it showed more dimension (at least it did to me).   Using the lighter color of pink and eventually ONLY A DROP of black, I repeated the process creating more color and dimension.  See how I left a bit of the white showing? A drop of the black paint makes the pink turn into gray.  Just play with it and it will be great.

Step THREE – I printed and cut out the letters “Paris holds the key to my heart” with super cool fonts that reflect the them we’re going for.  I also cut out The Eiffel Tower (it took forever but it looks really good).

Step FOUR – Place the letters down and trace around them.  After you trace them (with pencil) paint them! Just follow your stencil.  With the Eiffel Tower, Spray paint it black and use spray adhesive to adhere it to the canvas.  The tower is now sort of three-dimensional.  I made the tower larger than the canvas so it would go over the top and bottom of the painting (i thought it would be more interesting that way).  I also put a black flower (from an old hair accessory) on the middle of the tower – it was super cute.

At the party I hung it over the backdrop of the table where I served the desserts and it looked great! Think how cute it would be with the Bride and Groom’s initials on it, or their favorite love quote …… the possibilities are only limited by your imagination (man I sound like Barney!)

Enjoy!

Something Blue?

For years we have heard the old “poem” Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue.  I want to concentrate on the “Something Blue” part (i guess I feel it’s been neglected as of late).  Brides seem to have the most trouble with the “Blue” part, especially if it isn’t part of their color scheme.   The traditional ways to use blue are either in a hanky or garter or blue thread sewn onto the gown somewhere.  If  you’re an unconventional bride or one that is just looking for something “different” you should pay attention to the blog post. 

One way you could bring the “blue” back is in your gown! I think these gowns are simply stunning and offer something explosive and surprising. Imagine the surprise of your guests when they see you for the first time in your gown of BLUE! How much fun!

If wearing a daring gown is not up your alley, you could offer blue cocktails, blue candy, or carry a beautiful bouquet of blue orchids. The trick is to think outside the box.  My favorite “blue” idea (and super budget friendly) is to offer a variety of blue cocktails (or mocktails) during your cocktail hour.  You could serve only four different drinks all in shades of blue (you could even call them shades of blue-wow I’m good at this).  Another way to infuse the blue is in your bouquet, if you don’t want to have all blue flowers, you could tuck one tiny blue pin or flower into your bouquet, your hair or your jewelry (after all, sapphires are blue!!!).

No matter what you try, just make it “you” and try to step outside the box!

Bridal Gown Discrimination

(stepping up on soap box)

This morning I was reading through Twitter and Facebook posts when I came across an article about a young woman up North who wasn’t allowed to purchase the wedding gown of her dreams (which we all know is hard to find in the first place) because she happens to be marrying another woman.  Yes, you heard me (well, read me). NO MAN, NO DRESS.  The owner of the bridal salon she visited said (and I am paraphrasing here) it was against their “policy” to be involved in illegal activity and same-sex marriage is illegal (but only in some states, DUH).  I’m not gay, however, I am a big girl (and by big girl I mean tall and chubby with giant feet) and have been discriminated against while shopping, and I didn’t like it (I feel like it’s a conspiracy between clothiers to keep us on a perpetual diet).

While this situation has been unsettling to the gay community, it’s been equally unsettling to those of us in the wedding industry who celebrate LOVE any way we see it.  It’s actually more upsetting to me that this Bride was treated so badly by another woman.  As women we already have so many challenges and disadvantages (yea, that’s right challenges and disadvantages) and it nauseates me to see women treating each other this way.   As the mother of two daughters, I’ve seen first hand how “mean girls” affect others and it isn’t pretty. Shouldn’t we try as women, or as human beings, to be tolerant and understanding of others, even if we don’t agree?  I know it’s hard, but we should certainly try to accept people – you don’t have to agree with it, you don’t have to like it, but you should accept it (that’s what my Mother’s done with my tattoos, but it took her a while).

I’ve reached out to this bride and offered to plan and design her wedding “gratis” (fancy word for FREE) so that she’ll see that not everyone in the wedding industry feels the same way this salon owner does.  I’m not going to sit here and badger the salon owner, she has a right to her opinion and the right to express it.  HOWEVER, as a human being, she should have never ever been rude, mean, hateful or JUDGMENTAL.  After all, didn’t someone write in a book somewhere  ”Judge not, that ye be not judged” ?

(stepping down from my soap box)